The Pearce Economic Recovery Plan

We've all heard about the Paulson plan to save the economy, which basically amounts to "Fuck you, pay me," but here's my plan to help fix the economy.

1) Legalize drugs and tax them. All drug enforcement operations will be suspended, the personnel retrained, the materiel repurposed. All corn subsidies will be canceled and applied to growers of hemp, increasing its use as both a fuel and a fiber.

2) Lower the drinking age to 18, allowing our nation's binge drinkers to gorge themselves on highly taxed legal booze. All house parties will be required to maintain a three-keg minimum.

3) Makes churches tax eligible. The faithful will still congregate and worship, but God, Inc. would either have to go out of business or pay their fair share. (There is an upside to this, pastors, priests and reverends: Now that you're actually taxpayers, maybe we can talk about putting the ten commandments in the courthouse.)

4) Legalize prostitution. There's no reason why enterprising men and women shouldn't be allowed to pull themselves up by the garter belt by engaging in a profession that predates the industrial revolution.

5) Convert McMansions to low-income housing. It happened to the Victorian neighborhoods with their mansions, so it's only natural that it will happen in cul-de-sac land.

6) Allow the hostile takeover of the US Government by Wal-Mart. Any student of business knows that mergers can offer a lot of shareholder value and can avert many potential bankruptcies.

7) Send a check payable to James Pearce c/o PO Box 123, Aurora, CO 80010 in the amount of 100.00 British Pounds. (If US Dollars, send $500...in cash!)